Re-Live Dear Ojosama

Well hello dear blog! I am so sorry to have left you out all by yourself :< I was so occupied with everything else like watching k-drama series, anime series, reading manga, and god yes CHORES in this household hahahaha. Not that I'm complaining tho since I am the only one who's jobless for the time being. Aside from that, real life events like going here and there, running errands, tryna be an adult and shit. Everyday is just another unexpected turn of events depending on myself huhu. Above all, I missed you blog. I need to update you often!! Since you are my only online diary if I were ever happen to delete some things off ig or other social medias. Oh wait I have vsco but that's more into dark and mysterious and personal but heck Athirah, it's still in the online world and people could definitely read em posts. Whatever. I have so much things in my thoughts because I tend to think too much I hope I could just put them all here. Just to let you or my future self be more reflecting and understand stuffs. Ever since my internship ended, I have gone back to UiTMPP to settle the final score of my diploma life. Yes, I was one of those last minute people to start on their practical report upon arriving itu pun tak sedar diri layan drama korea dulu, watch movies and youtubes but hey, I starved the whole day to finish my work! At least the first rough report without me checking them grammar errors and whatnot, and everything else that I was not satisfied enough. Come on, it's the diploma report! Or they would say it, "it's your diploma!" so of course you gotta make all those extra efforts! Whatever you put into will be shown later at your certificate, yes? Boy oh boy talking about results, Finally I grasped the solid A and 4.0 gpa for the final semester. NOT TO MENTIONED AYEEN TOTALLY GRABBED THAT A+ *confetti* I am beyond shock and proud of her! She deserves it, she went through hell during her internship period. Ok back to me, I was kinda dumb to always thought that cgpa would determine you into the dean's list. Ira can u not be so dumb? Thus, I was actually down when I looked at my pointers but as my classmates explained to me, HAHAHA JOKES BACK AT YA PAL(me). I felt fake tho because I was not as excited or surprised as I imagined I should be. I've been reacting less these days idk why ahahahahaha. I'll be like "oh ye ke?" "really?!" but my expressions were bland. Such a faker. but pls trust me this is just how I am at the moment idky. Anyways, every day I kept on retouching some finishes on my report mainly and the presentation slides until the due date. Every single piece of word, memory, picture and video et cetera were critical! Tbvh I was not satisfied at all for my presentation. We had to cramp everything into 10 minutes, then another 5 for q&a sess. Tipulah kalau tak rasa frust when you didn't get A+ but! I was and still am very very very grateful. Alhamdulillah.

Okay here comes the twisted complicated part of me. Half of me wanna stay at home but I know I would not earn. Half of me wants to do a part time job but I want it to be near YET something I'm into or comfy at. Yes would like for office hours yet then I was nervous to take these steps. When I discovered the jobs I wanted, I didn't get any replies. When people offered me jobs, mostly I get nervous all over again. What Sarah's mum offered me was a great shot, but I still need money to join in USD lemme tell u AND it's basically almost the same as what I'm lazying doing - seek people to join advertising vacancies(data entry). That requires hard work like really kena pull and annoy the heck out of people. Which is not in my comfort zone. Then, my parents did not agree anyways. Even Yana and Phie offered a job at KLCC. The thing is I'm sick of KLCC because that's where we're always been to these past months. Why is it so hard for me? Serves me right. Such a picky bitch. well I could at least be a normal human with an anxiety, can't I? Dad wanted me to work at Pizza Hut nearby but I just couldn't..... I felt 'what?' yet my heart crushed when I saw the employment flyer was in the trash bin. Then again, they told me to not work and just do 'housekeeping' at home which brought me to thought, "at least there''s someone in this house who's cleaning up others' mess." So yeah I'm in the middle. I want a job for earn sake yet if I stay home I could do so much more things and catch up a lot on what I've missed. I wish I'm paid for doing the dishes and laundry tho. ungrateful child here HAHA jk but pls consider. Hari tu free-free kena bebel dgn Aina and Yana about job. So yeah this is my answer, childish, running from problems, indecisive, alasan beribu. It's my lost. Yet I do have this kind of anxiety as well. Forgive me.

I could relate a lot at this part to Aisyah Mustapha because she wrote a post on how she wasted her 9 months I believe at home doing nothing. But I'm sure there's certain things we did, or at least I know what I had to do daily. Everybody's leading different lives. It's just that when you're just comfortable, you wouldn't wanna give that seat up so goddamn easily. I guess I understand my sister well. Tapi ehem kena tau limit jugak la no offense tho sis. Because at the end of the day, I would be the one receiving all the earful of cries from someone, and I couldn't have felt any worse than-- oopps. till then!